I know, I am usually positive and uplifting and I want to retain that for the most part on my blog. I just felt I should relate that today was pretty difficult for me. I don't know if it was because I didn't get the chance to spend some one-on-one with God today but I know I was attacked hard. It was enough for me to cry out "What's the point God? What's the point?" My heart hurt this morning and I just had a longing for my wife and family that I didn't channel through God properly and it tore me to the core. To feel so helpless and worthless at the same time is not a fun place to be. I started focusing it on God after I let it all get to me this morning but it is hard to dig out of that spot once you let yourself drift there.
I don't know how often I have asked for prayer, but please, keep me and my family in your prayers. God gave me a great afternoon for the most part but I still didn't feel right all day. I do feel blessed and that God is looking after my needs and the needs of my family but occasionally, my flesh and my worries, doubts, fears get the best of me. I even broke down and had a couple cigarettes today. Not that it makes me a bad person smoking a cigarette, I just think God wants us to take care of our bodies and smoking is not one of those things promoting a healthy lifestyle.
Prayer:
Dear Jesus, I have struggled so much today in my mind. Constantly bombarded with doubts, negatives, fears of what is to come or might come; I let it overwhelm me today and I am so sorry. I know it makes me nearly completely ineffective to You because I completely lose focus. I compare it to Peter walking out on the water and taking his eyes of You and starts to sink. Oh how true that is in our lives. Please Jesus, forgive me for my failures and faults and lift me up off the bottom of the floor. Help me be a good example, help me to stay focused on you and not all the things going on around me to distract me from my purpose, path, goal you have set out for me. I love you my Father; thank you for loving me, forgiving me and giving me hope and a future regardless of how bleak it may look. I know you will use this situation to Your glory. Bless my wife tonight Lord. Hold her in your arms and just love her. Give her peace, comfort and joy in You Jesus. She is my world; which makes this so very difficult for me to cope at times. But I hold fast to You Lord and that You have a good and perfect plan despite what I can or can't see. May I never lose hope; Let my wife and kids know that I love them tonight Jesus, let them know in my heart/mind, I am holding them tight and cherishing it forever. In Jesus precious name I pray this tonight ~ Amen.
Hey there Bro, I hope I was not behind your struggles. I say all things to help and edify. Sometimes I say things trying to help, but it actually hurts.
ReplyDeleteNo one was at fault and it was all my doing here on this one. I think about my wife and family a lot. I still grieve them in so many ways but I am so proud of them and thankful that God is in control. It is easy to start focusing on how much I miss them and I let it get the best of me yesterday. No body's fault but my own. I am better. Yesterday afternoon I was better. My therapist says it is natural and good to grieve, but I need to be sure I continue to leave God in control of the situation. Yesterday morning, that is where I faulted; I am noticing a pattern of when I fail to spend that time with God, I tend to lose sight of the fact He is indeed in control.
ReplyDeleteSo no one is at fault but myself. I talked with another friend today that gave me some good metaphors for picturing things given to God. If we indeed give it to God, we need to let go. That does not mean we forget or stop caring by any means, but it means we allow Him to have full control of the situation. One of the things my friend compared this too is like handing someone a pen to write something and then reaching out while attempting to write to do it for them (while it is in their hand). Of course, that doesn't work very well.
Since I have given this to God, I need to be patient and stay aware of the fact that He is indeed in control and I have given that to Him. I need to just be still and let God do His work. Regardless of the final results.
Thank you for your comment and God bless you. I appreciate all the help and comments I get.