Merry Christmas

I wanted to send a shout out to everyone wishing you all a very merry Christmas. Today we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. Take time today to thank Him for everything in your life. We have so much to be thankful for. I don't care who you are or what you are going through. He will never leave us or forsake us.

Enjoy this time with family and loved ones today. But remember why we celebrate Christmas and what it means to you and me. Thank you Jesus.

To my children, I love you both. You both are amazing and I thank God for you every day. I hope you have the best Christmas ever. I will forever hold you both in my heart and hope to be reunited as soon as is possible. I love you guys and I am so proud of you both. Merry Christmas.

Happy birthday

Today is a very special day. I want to say Happy Birthday to my first born. Daddy loves you very much and always will. Hope you had an excellent day.

What is Love? (a summary)

I would like to get where I post daily or every other day; but I want to try and focus on things that I feel need to be shared in order to encourage and uplift those that are willing to take the time to read my entries. It's about time for a good poem to be posted out here, so expect one sometime within this next week.

When you tell someone you love them, what does that mean to you? What does it mean to them? I want to take some time today to talk about Love. The reason is that it is so important. I think Love is the main indicator of our walk in Christ. As we learn to grow in Him, to trust Him and to love Him, He gives us the ability to give that out to others.

I encourage you to take a moment to read I Cor 13. I know you may know it already and have read it multiple times, but it is worth it to refresh yourself on what it means to love. What it looks like, what it feels like, how it treats self and others. I will include the chapter in this next paragraph, just skip if you are reading on your own.

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

There are many versus dealing with love in the Bible. I want to briefly bring it to everyone's attention though that Love is completely selfless. If we love, it will be seen in how we respond as well as our actions. If someone asks you to go out of your way for them, on the worst day they could ask it of you, how do you respond? Do you allow God to work through you as a vessel of love or do you act selfishly?

I have been working on this personally in my life. As you let go of self and let God, He will reveal himself in multiple ways. Some of those ways are to build that love, faith and new being He is creating you to be. If we can't handle the small trials and tests we face, how can we handle the big ones? Focus on Him today. Ensure you are keeping your eyes on Him. He will direct your path and see you through to the other side.

Happy Thanksgiving

I didn't make it online yesterday to post a Happy Thanksgiving note. So this is a day late. I want to wish everyone the best thanksgiving ever. I hope that everyone had a blessed day of fellowship with their families and loved ones.

This was the first thanksgiving that I have ever spent alone. It was very difficult and a struggle for me but my Lord and Savior gave me the strength to make it through. I wouldn't wish that loneliness on anyone in this world, yet hundreds and thousands of people were in that same position. Please, pray for them.

God has called us unto Him in a real, true and invigorating relationship that is not only amazing but passionate. I have experienced more growth this past week then I have in months. The passion and desire to follow and serve was there, but I think I was approaching it from the wrong perspective which hindered my growth.

I sought Father to heal, mend and to find my purpose in Him. Yet looking back, I was still acting out in self. Let me elaborate. Rather than looking to follow Him and allow Him through my relationship to work; I sought what I could do to feel useful and worthy to serve Him. I tried in my strength and understanding to draw near to Him.

I finished a book this week called "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore". That book was amazing. It challenged me on so many levels to seek Him differently. He hasn't asked anything of me but to draw into Him. Develop a true relationship and learn to trust Him on where he leads. So many walls have come down. The desire and passion burns so strong and this time, it is more real than it has ever been. I am finally seeking Him in truth outside of myself. Learning to lean on Him completely with no obligations to duty or purpose. Total freedom is ours through His grace and love.

Can you fathom a relationship that is so real and full of hope? One that you have total peace in everything as you learn to give all of your hopes, plans, desires, fears and thoughts to Father. I no longer need to feel like I HAVE to serve Him. It is a renewing that can only occur from the inside out.

Do you struggle with addiction? Do you struggle with truly hearing, sensing and feeling the Father anymore? Well stop trying. I know that sounds crazy, but stop trying so hard to fight these areas of your life. Instead, rest in peace at His feet. Draw close to Him and allow the Holy Spirit to radically change you from the inside out. That is the only way to find true freedom. A total denial of self. There is nothing I can ever do to earn Fathers love; nothing. No amount of church, Bible reading, sacrifice of time to a purpose we feel obligated to. Nothing we "DO" can create that relationship with Him.

You will find that as you learn to just let go and let God, He will begin changing you from the inside out. I don't have to try and fight a past addiction. I don't have to struggle in the areas I stumble. There is nothing I can do to change those areas of my life. The harder I try, the harder the cycle is to break. But in giving of myself to the simplicity of what Father has asked, "Draw close to me, you can never do anything to earn my love, I offer it to you freely", you will find freedom. Your heart, your passions, your desires begin to change and it is unexplainable the peace, hope and joy that brings into your life.

I so look forward to where God is taking me in my relationship with Him. He is creating in me a new man, with a new outlook on life that can only come from Him. His peace, His love, His promises are freely mine and yours if we only seek in honesty and truth. Desire that relationship. Even if you have to step away from everything you are doing in the church to do so. Stop trying so hard to please a God that has created us for that relationship in Him. As I have done so, I am seeing things so differently. Relationships have a different meaning. I do not desire, even for a moment the old habits, addictions and self created work ethic I had before. I am learning to bask in His presence and to be thankful in that alone. He will direct me, day to day, where he wants me to go and how He wants me to live, not I.

I challenge you today, stop trying to "Do" for God and start trying to relish the simple truth and true purpose you were created for. You will be amazed as you begin to act, think and desire differently. As the Holy Spirit and Father seize hold of your life and change you completely from the inside out. You will and can never be the same, ever.

Happy Thanksgiving and I love you all. May God bring you joy, peace and happiness in all that you do. He is amazing and His love for you is unfailing. Grasp what He has for you today, follower or not, grasp the simplicity of what He has asked of you.

Thank you Father for changing my heart. Thank you for showing me truth and how easy it is to draw close to You once I relinquish self. I tried so long to focus my passion and desire on what I felt you wanted to do. I tried so hard to find my purpose and the plan you had for me. But in doing so, I believe it kept me from truly embellishing and embracing Your true desire and purpose in my life. I act now out of passion and the new man you are creating from within. Nothing I can do or try to do will ever be enough. Thank You for showing me this truth. Thank You for loving me and allowing me to grow in my relationship with You. In You I have everything I need in all truth. Thank You Father, I love you. In Jesus name ~ Amen.

Happy Birthday Son

Today is a very special day to me. It is the day I celebrate the birth of my son. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him. I used to give him a great big hug every morning before he went off to school. He is precious to me and oh so special. I pray that God blesses him tremendously in everything he does. Today, a special blessing for his birthday.

I miss you son. I love you with all of my heart. I pray that you are seeking God and drawing close to Him. I pray God blesses the very air you breathe for the rest of your life. One day son, one day we will be reunited. What a glorious day that will be.

Thank you Father God for the brief time I had with my child. Be with him and bless him as he grows into a man. Bless every endeavor, thought and action. Help him to be a man of honor and integrity. Teach him how to love and what it means to be a real man. Help him to be an example to all who come in contact with him. Knowing him, he was a perfect example of true love. Thank you so much for the time I had. I ask for many more but do not know when that will be. God touch him right now. Let him know I love him with all that is in me. Thank you Father. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Happy Birthday son, my one and only son. I love you and will always love you. You are always with me and in my heart. I cherish every moment and memory. God bless you.

Reading, learning, growing

It has been some time since I have last written to my blog. Circumstances have changed somewhat and I don't have quite the access to blog as I had previously. Regardless, this is an important tool and instrument to me and for me so there is no excuse for the 3 months of nothing.

I have been spending some time in a book called "So you don't want to go to church anymore?" I am finding this book to be a treasure. It calls us back to the simplicity of what our relationship in Christ should be. Every time I pick it up and read another chapter, I am wowed by yet another example of what I and many other Christians would call the norm. Yet, I am challenged by this book to look at it differently. Simply amazing. I strongly recommend you read this book. You will not regret it.

Also, starting on a new devotional, the prayer of Jabez devotional. So far, it is good. I will probably be going over the book again as well, it has been many years. Hope everyone (not sure how many follow this) is doing well. I look forward to getting on here more often and sharing more from my heart and life. Take care and God bless you.

PE 13 - Coping with hate and fear

Do you ever sit and just wonder in awe at the God of the heavens and earth; the one, the only, the single person or entity that we can truly trust, love and depend on? As the storm continues to rage about me, my faith does not waiver but my actions, my hope, my desire fades. Why is it that this is the case? Why is it a constant battle? A constant struggle and fight to maintain balance and survive? As one giant crumbles, three more arise to take its place.

I hope with all that is in me at the prospects that lie before me. But all seems impossible without God. My friends, my family turn against me. Those I thought I could trust, turn their backs on me. Even those that call themselves Christians, judge the unknown. I stand before man, judged; Am I unworthy of love? Am I unworthy of affection? Do I throw my hands in the air and give up? They say yes, all is lost.

All is pointless they say, all is meaningless. Hope? There is no hope. I must awake from my fairy tale, my dreams for something better, my hope that God does answer prayer. That my God is looking over me, that he wants to and will perform miracles. Why do those around me pull me down in their doubts and hate? Why am I shackled by their foolishness? Their pessimistic, snobbery makes my stomach turn. Why my Father? Why is it such a burden I bare? My heart and soul are broken.

Dear heavenly Father, I call upon you early this morning. Today, well, today was a fight for my sanity. I am not sure I can bare the pressures upon me. I have allowed hate and anger to burn in me today and it nearly overtook me. Why Lord? Why am I so fragile? Why is it so difficult to stand sometimes? I am feeble and unworthy of you. Yet I know you love me and hold your arms out and welcome me. Why my God, why? Please, give me peace. My heart and soul long for you. I need your guidance Lord, I need you to quicken my body to face the multiple trials that lie ahead of me. Help me to love my enemy and those that hurt me. Please Lord, this is my biggest struggle. Please help me to forgive, forget and love. Be with all those I love and hold dear. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Captivated (Poem)

It is the dawn of a new day. The peaks aglow as fiery embers, the suns good morning kiss. The waves crash upon the shore; the sand welcomes a watery embrace. Darkness flees and shadows fail as the light penetrates. The clouds in the skies above give way. The snow capped mountain stretches itself toward heaven in absolute splendor. In the stillness, in the calm; I feel His presence upon me. The wind whispers His wonders the land echoes His majesty. My eyes behold such beauty before me; my soul cries out in ecstasy. You my God, my King; You are in all things. For Your pleasure was I created, for Your purpose was I designed. How amazing, how wonderful, how beautiful; I’m consumed by passion. My heart desires intimacy; my life is not my own. Behold, I stand before the maker of the heavens and the earth; He hears my cry. Oh God that I may love as you have loved. To see as You have seen. May I walk as you have walked. May I be forever captivated by the works of Your hand. May God forever be glorified; my spirit burns for You my God. My spirit burns for You. My lifesong sings to You. I stand in awe of You; in awe of You. My hands lifted toward the heavens; your word like honey on my lips. I praise the one, true, living God, Jehovah.

~ EW A Voice of Truth
07/11/2009

A Test of Faith (Short Story)

A Test of Faith
     Gripped by fear, Jacob’s mind was racing. “This can’t be happening”, he thought to himself. “Have I not been the best husband I can be? Have I not given everything, sacrificed everything?”
     Beads of sweat were beginning to form on his forehead as he jogged his usual trail circling the lake near his home. “I have given it all to you God, all of it.” He said into the morning air. “Why is it all falling apart? Why now? I don’t understand?”
     Jacob came here often for solace and to collect his thoughts. He usually went to secluded spots along the trail where he could spend time in prayer and refocus himself on God’s will and purpose. Today, he needed an answer from God more than anything.
     Jacob jogged to his favorite spot along the trail which opened to a clearing that overlooked the lake below. He loved the view from this ridge and he found it stirred his spirit greatly. With the sun just starting to peak above the tree line to his right, Jacob starred at the water. It was so calm and beautiful. Like a mirror or giant sheet of glass collecting images from all around reflecting itself for all to see and marvel. A light fog still kissed the surface.
     The pines lining the shore stood tall and magnificent. The morning dew glistened in the sunlight. The bright blue sky reflecting off the water, revealed the few clouds drifting overhead. Jacob took his favorite seat on the rock that jutted four or five feet out over the face of the ledge. Everything was perfect.
     “Father”, Jacob started to pray, “I sit here in awe of who you are. I am mesmerized and captivated by the work of your hands. Words can’t begin to express how I feel right now, in this very moment. But my heart is broken. I have been faithful to you my God; I have dedicated my very life to you. How can this be? How can you allow this to happen, how? I am hurt, I am so confused. I can not begin to fathom your ways dear Lord, I can not begin to understand your will. I have always trusted you but I feel so lost. Please Lord, reveal yourself to me. Give me peace, hope and understanding. I love her so much; please God, have mercy on me. Please, show me your will, your purpose my king…”
     With tears forming in his eyes, Jacob continued to stare at the glassy water below as he prayed. He sensed the presence of the Holy Spirit, but felt little comfort because of his circumstance. A peace began to settle on Jacob as the tranquility of his surroundings enveloped him. The Holy Spirit was with him, he knew it, but Jacob was broken.
     After a few minutes of praying like this, Jacob sensed in his spirit, a still, small voice that he knew was not his own.
     “Is my love not evident?” the voice stated. “Behold what beauty I lay before your eyes; behold what splendor; I did this for you today. This is a special gift just for you. ”
     Jacob began to cry, “Oh Father, I do trust you I do. I just don’t understand why…”
     “You do not need to understand.” the voice stated.
     “But what do I do? How do I approach her? What do I say?” Jacob asked.
     The voice responded, “If you trust me, why do you fear? Am I not capable of all things? Am I not sovereign? You say you trust me but your heart fears what you do not know. Be still, I am with you. You have no reason to fear.”
     “I am so sorry”, Jacob sobbed, “I am so very sorry.”
     The voice continued, “Jacob, I love you my child. I have so many great things in store for you. All will be revealed to you in due time, but do not get ahead of yourself. My plan, my purpose, my timing is perfect. I will heal, restore and make all things new. But it must be according to my Will. Lives will be transformed and my name will be glorified. Remember in Matthew 6:34 ‘Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’ Give me your hurt, give me your desires, give me your plans and I will set every path straight. I will make the impossible, possible.”
     “Thank you Jesus”, Jacob whispered over and over as he sat there weeping in the presence of God. “How could I have doubted you Lord? I love you so much, I trust in you and give you praise. You are holy God, you are holy!”
     “Get up”, the voice requested, “Get up and go to your wife. Comfort her as I comfort you, hold her, love her and be there for her. You are my children; I will be with you both and I will never leave. Nothing can separate you from my love.”
     As the thought entered his head, Jacob acted. He began to run as fast as he could until he reached his vehicle. Completely out of breath, he climbed inside, started the engine and headed home.

     Allison sat alone on the corner of her bed. Clothes and other personal affects covered the bedroom floor. She was going through all her stuff determining what she wanted to pack in her medium sized travel bag. Her marriage has been good but she can’t bare the thought of what might have happened. She can’t face her husband the same way, she is ashamed.

----------

     Last night, Allison went out with a couple of friends to a concert. She did a lot of drinking and the rest of the evening was a blur. When she awoke this morning, she was in someone else’s home, in someone else’s bed. She had no idea she was even capable of something like this, but here she was. Confused, upset and ashamed with herself, she did the only thing she could think of at the time, she called home and talked to her husband.
     “Jacob?” She said as the phone picked up on the other end.
     “Allison?” Jacob responded, “Where have you been? I have been so worried about you. I haven’t been able to get a hold of you or your friends all night. Is everything ok? Are you safe?”
     “I don’t know” Allison said, “I am not sure where I am and I can’t really remember anything about the evening. I awoke a few minutes ago and I am in a house I do not recognize.”
     “What do you mean?” Jacob interrupted, his voice concerned yet calm. Jacob has always trusted his wife, there was no reason, in his mind, to doubt or question her faithfulness to him or their marriage.
     “I’m scared Jacob, I don’t remember.” Allison stated as she began cry. “I would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage or relationship. But I do not know how I ended up here. The only thing I can remember before everything got hazy was Jackie and I having a few drinks at the concert. We were talking with a couple of guys but I wasn’t interested in going there, I am married and take that seriously.”
     “So you are at some guy’s house right now that you don’t even know or remember?” Jacob’s voice at this time reflected anger, betrayal and jealousy. “How could you do that?”
     Allison replied, “I don’t know what’s going on Jacob, I do not know. I am so confused, I am so sorry. I just don’t know. I am leaving now and heading home, I am so sorry.”
     Jacob was emotional and upset by this point, he said, “Well don’t expect me to be here when you return, I need some time. I just can’t believe this, I need some time. I can’t believe you would do something like this.”
     Allison tried to reply but realized that Jacob had hung up on her. Still crying and upset, she finished getting dressed and headed home.

----------

     With her bag almost packed, Allison could stand it no longer. She slid off the bed to her knees and began to sob uncontrollably. She raised her hands in the air and lifted her eyes toward the ceiling.
     It has been a few years since Allison has really talked with God. She does a great job going through the motions for her husband’s sake, but she knows her relationship with God has been troubled if existent at all.
     Tears streamed down Allison’s cheeks as she started to pray. “Oh heavenly Father, I do not know what happened last night. I do not know what I may have done, but please Lord please, I love my husband. I know I have not been the best wife these past few years; I know I have neglected my relationship with you. Please God, please forgive me. I am so sorry. Forgive me for turning my back on you, forgive me for ignoring you. I do believe in your son Jesus Christ. I do believe you sent him to die for my sins. I believe in the cross and the significance of what Jesus did for me and the sacrifice that was made for me; because you love me, because you desire a relationship with me. Please Lord, please forgive me; draw me close to you, help me to hear your voice again father and to know your ways. Please bring reconciliation and healing to my relationship. Please, no matter what happened, heal my marriage. Help me be the wife my husband deserves. I am so sorry my God, I am so sorry.”
     Allison heard some rustling near the bedroom door and looked up through teary eyes and running makeup. Jacob stood in the doorway, his shirt still sweaty from his run.
     “How long have you been standing there?” Allison asked while trying to wipe the tears from her eyes and straighten herself up. She was slightly embarrassed that he had walked in on her at this vulnerable moment.
     “Long enough”, Jacob responded, “Long enough”.
     Jacob walked over to Allison, got down on his knees and embraced her. They both began crying and apologizing to each other. Their love was rekindled, their hope was restored. No matter what the case, Jacob knew in his heart he would forgive his wife. He loved her with all his heart and knew that God’s plan was going to be fulfilled. He would be the husband God called him to be.
     Within moments, the phone rang, Jacob answered. “Hello?”
     “Jake! Hey, this is Jackie! Is Allison there by any chance?”
     “Yeah, hold on a sec.”
     Jacob handed the phone to Allison. “Hello?” Allison asked.
     “Hey girl, it’s Jackie, where did you go?”
     “What do you mean? Where did I go?”
     Jackie replied with an answer that confused Allison even more than she was already. “I went to pick up some breakfast for us this morning and when I came back, you were gone.”
     “You went to pick breakfast up for us? I am confused, where were we and why were we there?” Allison asked.
     “Oh boy, you were wasted last night weren’t you?” Jackie laughed. “There were a couple of guys hitting on us at the concert last night and neither of us wanted anything to do with them. We had a few more drinks though anyways and discussed our plans for the rest of the evening. I always could handle my liquor better than you could!” Jackie continued, “Anyways, we decided to go to friend of mines place near the lake so we could spend the day at the lake today. They are gone for the week and said I could use it anytime. Sounded like a good plan last night.”
     “So we didn’t go home with the guys last night?” Allison asked. Her eyes brightened and Jacob could see her expression change to that of hope and disbelief.
     “No Silly!!! We were going to have a girl’s day out! You honestly don’t remember that?” Jackie asked.
     “No! I had no clue!” Allison replied.
     “Well, when I got up this morning, you were still sleeping so I thought I would surprise you with fresh coffee and breakfast. I left to pick us up some breakfast bagels and Starbucks. When I returned, you were gone. So, I am finally getting around to trying your house since I tried your cell phone with no luck.”
     “So, you are telling me that it was just us two at that house, no one else.”
     “Are you ok?” Jackie asked as she started to laugh again. “Why do you keep asking me that? Yes, it was just us! Thanks for nothing though! See if I make plans with you again after we have been drinking!”
     “Oh Jackie, thank you so much!” Allison bellowed in relief. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
     “OK, what did I miss?” Jackie asked.
     “I thought I ended up at one of those guys’s house last night. I had no idea.”
     “Oh you poor thing”, Jackie replied, “how horrible! No wonder you are so upset!”
     “You have no idea how upset I was. I was so confused and thought I had done something terrible that I could never forgive myself for. Thank you so much for the good news!”
     “Your welcome” Jackie replied. “Does this mean that we are not hanging out at the lake all day though?”
     “Unfortunately, I am going to have to take a rain check on this one Jackie. Thank you so much though, you are a good friend.”
     “Your welcome babe, what are friends for? Call me later ok?”
     “I sure will Jackie, thanks again.”
     “No problem!” Jackie said and hung up the phone.
     “Did you hear that Jacob? Did you?” Allison asked excitedly.
     “I did baby I did. I love you so much!” Jacob said as he embraced her again.
     “I love you too Jacob. This will never happen again. I am done going out to concerts and drinking. I love you too much and I have just rededicated my life to God. Things are going to be different around here from now on. I am sorry for putting you through all this and I am sorry for the past few years. I am going to live my life for God from now on.”
     “I’m glad you said that”, Jacob said lovingly, “God revealed to me some wonderful things while I was out and one of those things was that I needed to be there for you. Regardless, I needed to be there for you. I didn’t question it. Even though I thought the worst at that point, I didn’t doubt God and his purpose or plan in all of this. I was ready to act and follow him. Seeing how things are turning out, I had no reason to doubt to begin with.”
     “God is awesome isn’t he?” Allison stated as a question for confirmation from Jacob.
     “He sure is.” Jacob responded.
     Jacob and Allison spent the remainder of the day in each other’s arms. They knew they had just been given a second chance. That God had spared them the pain that could have been if things had turned out differently. They rededicated their lives to each other and to God. They vowed to pray together and love each other as Christ loved the church. A biblical love and passion that only comes through knowing Christ and his love for us. Through their faith, God did as he promised, he was faithful.
     Soon after, Jacob and Allison were led into mission ministries where God greatly blessed them. Many lives were touched, hearts changed and souls saved through their acts of obedience and faith in God.

(This story is not to be reproduced without written request/permission and approval)

     ~ EW - A Voice of Truth.


     This story was written as a test of faith. As you face something that is taking place in your life, where do you turn? How do you act? This couple could have turned on each other; they could have caused emotional damage that is difficult to repair. But they turned to God. In doing so, God blessed their relationship. In their faithfulness, they were blessed and put in the position to bless others. Draw close to God today. Seek His will, His plan and His purpose for your life. He sees the big picture and has you in mind the entire time. Walk in Him and He will keep you from falling.

Coffee and some R&R

I am just sitting here at Panera Bread, drinking some good coffee, listening to good music and resting in God's peace. I'm thinking on how good our God really is. How amazing are His ways? I look at how His hand is in all things.

One of the things I really enjoy doing, and do quite a bit, is look at how God has worked in things. During the storm, trial, difficulty we can't see ending thereof. It is so easy to get lost in the hopelessness we feel. As I look, I can see Him work almost daily and I truly stand amazed. The more I lean on Him and trust in Him, the more I see Him at work and that along brings peace, comfort and hope. Our God is an awesome God and I can begin to fathom the entire scope of what He is doing. But I can say that I trust Him 100% and that so many lives are being changed, touched and blessed by this.

We must never lose hope and never doubt that He will see us through. His will, plan and purpose in this will be revealed in do time. I have no doubt in this and that He will be glorified. God, You are my God; and I will always love You.

Lord, I love You so very much. I trust You with everything in my life. My friendships, finances, troubles, grief, love, hope, my past, present and future is all in Your hands my God. I have let go, I have given it to you. My fears and doubts I have given to you. My hopes and dreams I have given to you. I know I can rest in You and be safe, protected and blessed in everything. I lift my heart and my hands up to You God. I belong to You. May Your will and purpose be done. I will stand and watch amazed at your faithfulness and how You are working in all things. You are awesome and I love you. In Jesus name, Amen

You Make All Things New (Song)

You Make All Things New

Before I took my first breath Lord
You knew just what I’d do.
You pre-destined me to failure
so that I could rise anew.
In my weakness I’m made stronger, Lord
I know You’ll see it through.
Cause this work You’ve started in me
is transforming me to You.

In my pain
In my brokenness
Though I’ve lost everything
I still have You.
The ones I love
Have been stripped away
And I have nothing Lord
Except for You.

So Lord give me strength
Give me hope to endure.
Change this heart of mine
Remold it, make it pure.
May this life I lead
Change hearts God and renew.
For Your grace it sets me free
You make all things new.

~ EW - A Voice of Truth 04/01/09

I Love You Jesus –
Lord, from my heart to You
May You bless all those who read/sing this song.

A Prayer of Praise

Father, I praise You. You are amazing. Your works are splendid. Your ways beyond reproof. Your love is unconditional, Your peace bypasses understanding. None can compare to You oh Lord. Your blessings sustain me, Your Spirit comforts me. You smile upon me though I am a sinner. Undeserving of anything from you, yet Your grace and mercy in abundance flow. You give sight to the blind and heal the sick. You free the prisoner and the slave. I search Your ways and find nothing but goodness. You give joy in simple acts of obedience. You change hearts and renew. You purify and cleanse all who ask in honesty and humility. By faith we are made free and set apart. Covered in the blood of the Lamb, Your only begotten son Jesus Christ. I praise You for Your works oh God. I praise You for all you have created. I praise You for setting this captive free. My heart and soul are Yours. God, take this vessel and use it to Your glory. Not my will Lord, but Yours be done. May my mind, body, spirit praise You forever more. May Your song of praise be on my lips. May I desire You constantly, always drawing nearer. My spirit yearns to follow You. My heart is full of love. Bless this life I lead and may it glorify You in every way. If You can use anything Lord, You can use me. I, Your servant, humbly submit my life to You in every way, shape and form. Draw me close to You and use me God. May Your name be glorified forever and ever. For You are Holy, mighty and merciful; Praise God! ~ Amen

~ EW - A Voice of Truth 04/13/09

The Path (Poem)

The Path

I'm longing for what could have been
desires flood my mind
I look to God and start to pray
in hopes I can unwind

A vision stirs inside my soul
as many paths revealed
I seek my purpose want your will
Lord show me what's concealed

A tranquil peace envelopes me
my heart begins to race
I sense your presence, feel your touch
Your breath's upon my face

I close my eyes and lift my hands
My knees go to the ground
I'm speechless now as time stands still
Your word's the only sound

I offer up my very life
in brokenness I plead
my Savior, God, my Lord my King
I'll go if you will lead

So lead me, guide me, show the way
Your servant I will be
I'll walk the path you've set for me
In love and honesty

I'll praise your name throughout the earth
I'll worship you my king
A sweet love song a melody
To You forever sing

By: EW (aka - Voice of Truth - aka MyLifesongSings) 07/02/09


Last night I sat here and felt the urge to write. It wasn't coming very easily but I felt it was Spirit led and inspired. My writings, my poetry are all intended to glorify my God and King. They are also intended to inspire, uplift and encourage. Outside of the few personal entries I make, I hope you find this to be true.

Often, I feel there is so much I want to say to my Heavenly Father but can't even begin to express what's on my heart. I can't lift my hands high enough, I can't sing loud enough, I feel trapped while my Spirit burns within me for so much more. A flame, a burning desire for my God, my savior.

Oh Holy Spirit, lead me. I want to be lost in your love oh God; to be consumed by your presence; to be transformed by your Word. You amaze me and I stand in awe struck wonder of you. I offer my life and everything I am or will be to You. It is yours my God, it is yours. Bless me as I walk the path you've set before me. Give me strength and direction. Let not my foot slip upon the rocks nor my mind succumb to the pressures against me. You, my God and King, are victorious. You are the one true living God and I worship you. You are holy my God, you are holy. Touch the lives of every single person I come in contact with Lord. I want to be used by You. I am your vessel, your servant and I give myself to you. I want my life to make a difference, one that matters. Bless my friends and acquaintances. Lord I lift up the ones that are hurting and ask a special blessing on their lives. You have a plan and purpose for all of us. If we seek it, we will find it. Thank you God for my life, thank you for loving me. I praise you! In my hurt I praise you! I know it is all in Your hands and wherever you lead me, I will follow. In Jesus name I pray these things. ~Amen

PE12 - This one goes out to the one I love

Bryan Adams - Everything I Do

Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me

Steven Curtis Chapman - I Will Be Here

Earth Angel


My dearest wife, I will always love you and I will always be here for you. Remember that. I love you so very much my beautiful angel, I love you so very much. Nothing can take that away from me, nothing.

PE11 - It's not a good night

I have been a bit busy this week so that is why there have been no posts (in case you were wondering). Past couple of days I got mail that I kind of expected to come eventually, but it does not make it any easier for me to handle; I haven't been able to stop thinking about my wife and my children.

I keep wanting to pinch myself to see if I am dreaming; I want to wake up....I want to wake up. I must stay strong, I must hold on to God and His promises. I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers. Like a wrestler getting pounced on from the high rope; I start lifting myself up off the mat just a little bit and I get crushed..over and over and over and over again. No time for air, just crush him, kick him, beat him .... kill him.

If I look at everything from a worldly perspective, there is no hope. There is none. As if everything else wasn't bad enough; I can't do this. I can't do it. How am I supposed to fight my wife? I can't even afford to do so even if I wanted to. I'm having a breakdown right now. They estimate my salary about 1000 more than what I am making right now a month. They allege I have done nothing to help. Although I gave up everything including all my accounts, severances and everything! What do they expect from me? Why do they lie and plot against me! Why?

God, I do not understand. I feel so alone right now. I'm miserable where I am at. But I can't do anything about it. I have no personal space, no respect, $7 in my checking account and I have nothing. I make less now in a 40 hour work week (if I can get more than 15 - 20 hours for once), than I used to make in a day. If I was not a Christian....arrrgggghhhh.......

I think I am going to disappear in a dark hole for a couple of weeks. I'm miserable and everything is pointless. I try so hard but feel like I get nowhere. I just sit here and cry and think, how God? How do I go on? How do I keep my head up and hope for the best when every part of me is broken and cries out in absolute anguish? On every side of me, I am attacked. I am absolutely and completely overwhelmed right now. I literally feel like I am going to lose it.

Oh God, I can't bare this. I can't; I can't. Please, help me. To be so overwhelmed that I don't know where to even start. It is impossible for me, but I know it is not for You. I am trying to live a Spirit led life but obviously I am not doing that well. I don't even know what to ask for Father, I have no idea. You know me, you know my heart, You know my limits. I have to be borderline psycho right now. Please, help me. Please my God, I need You right now. I am flailing and need Your direction, peace and understanding. I do trust you my God, I do. I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed with the multiple (yes, I said multiple), impossible situations I am looking at. I know I need to have faith you will provide and help and heal and mend but I lose sight God, I lose focus. My heart, will and spirit are broken. Please, please help me.

Happy Fathers Day

I wanted to do something special for all the fathers out there today but I am finding it to be a little more difficult than I expected. I don't know that I am in the right place to provide the joys of fatherhood. I am in a good place to tell you what it is like to be on the outside looking in, but not sure that would be a benefit to anyone. Everything I think of brings up pain that I just don't want to have to face today. So, with that being said, I am going to forgo the Fathers Day poem I was going to write. But, I still want to post some of what is on my heart and mind today.

Fathers play one of the most critical roles in the lives of their children. We are to be an example of Christ to our family and children. Our kids are affected emotionally, spiritually and developmentally by how we as fathers show them to live. A lot of fathers have a problem with showing emotions, feelings and other things that the world views as simple and baby-like. But let me tell you something, this is one of the most important things you can do for your children, show them compassion, love and gentleness. Let them know how much they mean to you daily. Let them see you pray! Let them see you praise God openly! Lift your hands and praise God for you are blessed. Can't you see? You are blessed! Give thanks to God because you have so much to be thankful for.

I am sad today; I must spend this Fathers Day without my children and wife. I don't even know when I will get to see them again, only God knows this. But I do pray for them daily. I know my God is good. I know my God has a plan and a purpose. I know my God is for me, not against me. This makes all the difference. The pastor at the church I am going to paused in the middle of his sermon today and said he has a word from God he needs to share; I remember the basis of what he said so I am going to share in the next paragraph, I sensed this word was for me. Everyone liked and appreciated it but I knew in my heart and spirit that it was for me.

You are facing a trial and something like you've never faced before and you feel it is more than you think you can bare. You feel overwhelmed, you feel like giving up. But there are many lives being touched through this. More than you even know. God is bringing victory to many lives so you must not give up, you must not fail. You will have victory. They are watching you. There will be victory in many lives through this; just don't quit, there will be victory.

I feel like I left some of it out but the details he mentioned and how it was stated, spoke to my spirit and I knew I was supposed to get that today. I knew it was meant for me. My God will not leave me and will not forsake me. Even if I can not physically be there for my children, by God I am with them in prayer. What we can not see is much more powerful and real than what we can. I know there will be victory and I know my God will work this out for good. He will leave no doubts, it will be by His hand alone so that no man can boast but Him alone. I do not know how, when, where or any details, but I do believe in the miraculous, supernatural power of the living God I serve and I know He will leave no doubt. Lives will be touched and lives will be changed forever.

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers of the world! Being a father is a special gift and privilege. I will probably write more on this subject soon because it is extremely important and I think a lot of fathers miss the point of fatherhood. Listen to the words of the song by Casting Crowns - American Dream. What is really important? Why are so many people missing it entirely?

Excuses Excuses

I have been putting off posting all week because I have been cherishing the previous couple of posts. As soon as I start posting again, those will move further down the list and I will lose sight of them. I don't want to. I have kept myself busy all week for the most part and that has help take my mind off of things a bit. But when it comes down to it, I miss my wife and children like crazy!

I start asking myself, "Is it wrong to not think about them all day long?" "Am I forgetting things I loved about them?" The answers are no to both. I am learning that I have to take my mind off of them so I don't lose my sanity. Today I had a moment where I couldn't stop thinking about my wife and children though. I started thinking about Fathers day coming up tomorrow and how my children and wife would always create something for me for fathers day.

It was always so special to me. I ask myself, "Did I do enough to show my appreciation?" "Did they know how precious those were to me?" Those are moments I will cherish for the rest of my life. I broke down a little wondering how tomorrow would affect my children and my wife. What are they thinking? What are they doing? Are they going to make something for grandpa? My children are so precious. They are both so very gifted and talented. They are (and were) such a blessing to me. I know God will do something very special in their lives. I am trusting Him in that.

I thought about making my Father's Day post this evening but I am going to hold off on it till tomorrow. I helped a friend move half of the day and it was so hot outside. I drank so much water but still feel like it wasn't enough. I am going to go to bed and start tomorrow off fresh. I am excited about going back to the new church I started attending last week. Can't wait actually. Trusting God for a lot of miracles and blessings in my life right now.

To the rest of you fathers out there; God bless you! I will try and post something special tomorrow. I might even post an additional post for the reverse - Father to child/children and wife. Goodnight all, you will see me again tomorrow. (Don't Miss it!)

What a Surprise!

I was at J's house today and as I was leaving, I checked the pouch of my card case. To my surprise, I found 2 old notes in there. They were perfect. I think this was God or an Angel that wanted to make me feel better. The notes were as follows:

Note 1:
Happy Friday!!! Your special! I Love You! (Love was with a heart) Miss you
Love
(Wife's Name)

--There was a smiley face (bigger one) with eyeballs, lashes and smiley face with tongue....I smiled and thought...WOW!!! It is Friday today, and how perfect!

Note 2:
Just sending you an "I Love You" Hope this brings some sunshine to your day.(small smiley face)
Love
"(Wife's Nickname)"

I must be honest, I smiled, laughed, cried and smiled again. She is such a wonderful person. I love you my wife (I will use your name on here one day - if I get the chance). Happy 10th Anniversary sweetheart! I hope you had a good day despite everything. I miss you so much. Thanks a second time for those notes that were given to me long ago when I played cards a lot. What a surprise and blessing!! Couldn't have worked out any better if it was planned. I love you!

PE10 - Happy 10 Year Anniversary Baby

I don't know where to begin with this entry today. How do you write a happy anniversary letter in one hand while you are holding on to the divorce papers in the other hand? The only hope of reconciliation is God. The system is getting its way and I pray God works in the lives of those involved to show them the error of it in one way or another. My heart is broken today when it should be rejoicing.

I dreamed of you, dear wife, all night last night. They were sweet and beautiful dreams, just like you. I know we had our ups and our downs, but our ups far outnumbered the downs and I cherish every moment. I love to close my eyes and picture you here with me, holding my hand, laughing and smiling as we share our dreams, hopes and goals in life. You are my anchor in so many ways, my northern star. You are a precious gift from God in my life, one that I couldn't bare to live without.

It is only for you and because I love you that I can accept what you feel must be done. But I want you to hold on to something for me. No matter what happens between now and eternity, in my heart you are my wife. The system may be able to take everything in my life I hold dear, but they can't touch my heart. That belongs to God and to you. That, my dear, will never ever ever change.

From the time we started dating in October '97, I knew in my heart that you were the one God chose for me. I prayed for you when I was a child; I prayed for you when I became a man; I pray for you constantly still today. It hurts that on this, dark Friday, I must find a way to take my mind off of you, off of the hurt, off of the pain and the reality of the matter. As I sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks, I pray for you. I don't know that you will ever know how special you are to me and how much I love you.

Thank you for the memories baby, thank you for loving me as you did. Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for doing such a wonderful job with our children. Thank you for 12 years of precious memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. You are my first true love. You are so special to me. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. No matter what you do, what you did or what you could do; I will/would love you and be there for you.

I am going to go to J's house today and try to keep my mind off of the time that should be being spent with you. I have to try and occupy time or my mind will wreak havoc on me. You know how important you are to me right? You know that I will always be here for you right? You know that all you have to do is ask and I will be at your side right? Like a well trained puppy that has matured and attached itself to its owner, I am there for you. Please, don't let go of what we have. Don't let go of what we had. I love you so much. I will never forget or let go of you; my heart is yours for the rest of my life. I love you.

Dear Father, I lean on you today to face another of many dark days I have faced and must yet face. I put my heart and trust in your hands my Lord. You word states you will never leave us or forsake us. Thank you for that. The love chapter I Corinthians 13 comes to my mind, love always perseveres and love never fails. This is the love I have for my wife. I am learning to love all but my wife is so precious to me Father. Please, heal and renew our relationship. I know You have a will and purpose in everything but I know You hate divorce. I sit back as my world crumbles around me and I must look to You in order to hold on; in order to keep my sanity. Please God, please renew this. I am giving it to You. May this pain and suffering not be in vain dear God, may it not be in vain. Work in all lives of those involved and radically touch each and every person. I want to see your spirit move God. May I keep my eyes on You Father, may I never doubt that you have it all under control. I love you and give you all the praise. In Jesus name ~ Amen.

Grief - Relationship

This week has been challenging. Came off a good service on Sunday but have been grieving my family a lot. Yesterday I got served my "D" papers and I broke down. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. I still feel like it is some kind of nightmare and someone needs to pinch me and wake me up. Tomorrow is my 10 Year Anniversary.

I dated my wife for almost 2 years before we got married. That is a total of 12 years in my book. I am trying to keep a positive outlook. I am trying to lean on God through all of this, but I am human and tend to think about everything I miss.

I went to WalMart yesterday and happened by the card isle. There, I read many Anniversary cards and kept trying to wipe the tears away hoping no one would notice. So many beautiful cards with touching words of love and adoration. I wanted to buy a few of them just to one day get them in the hands of my wife so she knows I was thinking of her, loved her and missed her despite the situation.

I was a wreck most of the day and it took a separate issue to take my mind off of my own hurt. I thank God for that. It helped my recenter and refocus on what is important. I could not do what I am doing without God in my life. I would have already jumped off the bridge with a weight tied to my feet or something crazy. I have a lot of hurt, pain and things I can't even fathom taking place in my life. Stuff I wouldn't wish on anyone in this world. The only hope I have is that God has a purpose for my life still and that eternity is more important than what I must face and am facing today.

I am attacked daily by my feelings, my desires, my dreams and hopes of a better tomorrow. To explain, when I try to stay positive and look at what God is doing around me, thoughts of all the junk come in. Thoughts of "eternity is so far away, you have lost everything, why are you even trying?" Negative, painful things enter in. I can tell you what the problem is, it is my relationship or closeness with God.

We are never in the same place on our spiritual journey. By that I mean, we are never staying the same. We are either moving forward or backward. There is no in between. If you aren't staying in the Word of God and spending time in prayer, you will be moving backward. If you spend time in prayer and the Word, you will move forward. It is about the relationship here. As my days get busier and have been busy all week, I am not getting that time I need and it reflects in everything I do and think.

Thank God for the couple people I have in my inner circle that help me refocus. I know better than to be caught up in everything I see. We are called to live by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7 We live by faith, not by sight.

Romans 1:17 For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

There are so many versus dealing with how we should live by faith in the Word of God. Why do I find it so difficult to follow these principles set forth? I can look up examples written by Paul on how he and everyone struggles to do what we know we should do. We are in a constant battle. I know when I have not had my personal time in prayer and with God, I am useless. Everything is processed differently, I don't feel God's presence or guidance like I should. My decisions become impaired and my thoughts are fleshly (doubt, worry, fear and the rest of the gamut). I am then attacked viciously and wind up being a mess. We must stay grounded in the Word of God and in prayer daily and continuously.

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

I know I am not the only one struggling with issues. I am not the only one dealing with a hopeless situation. We have to remember that this is temporary and that we live by faith. God has a plan in all of this. He wants the best for His children. He will see us through this. Don't get lost in what you see, have faith that God will meet your needs and will see you through. Then you will have peace, contentment and God will bless you. Remember what Jesus said to Peter when Peter wanted to be with Jesus on the water in the midst of the storm and raging water?

Matthew 14:29-31 29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

I want to leave you with a couple of scriptures that inspired me this morning. Please, be sure you are leaning on God. These words I write are as much for me as they are for you. God will see us through if we only ask and believe.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24 16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 19Do not put out the Spirit's fire; 20do not treat prophecies with contempt. 21Test everything. Hold on to the good. 22Avoid every kind of evil. 23May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

Philippians 4:6-9 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I pray that you are blessed today and that the power of God is poured out upon you. Trust in Him and He will not let you down.

PE-9: Happy 1st Sunday of June

I went to church in the city again today and I really enjoyed it. I am going to have to look for a church closer to me though so I am going to try a church that is on TBN and comes highly recommended by a friend of mine. He said I should be able to get plugged in and connected to people there despite the size, so I am excited about it.

My friend and I discussed a lot of things today and as always; I left feeling blessed and edified. He brought a new perspective to some challenges I face and it was good to hear. I thank God that I have a few friends to lean on in my time of need. I do long for someone that I could spend more time with but as He mentioned to me, God is with me. When we give something to God, we need to let go of it. We can't keep reaching for the steering wheel from the back seat or passenger seat and fighting for control. I really believe this was where I stumbled yesterday. I have given it all to God so I have to trust Him with it all.

I think I am going to start writing more; something completely separate from my blog and social/twitter sites. I am going to test the waters so-to-speak and try and determine where God wants me to go with some things. I have a longing and desire to write, but feel very limited on blogs alone. Plus, when I was in jail, I envisioned myself where I am now (location) but I was writing and I also had a Bible study group. Part of this has come true, but I want to know if I am meant to be doing more with my writing. So, I am going to step out on faith and see where it takes me. I will keep posting to the blog, but I am going to possibly work on a book or something. As my friend stated today, God will let me know but I need to take that step if I feel it is something God may be putting on my heart. So, I will start tomorrow. I am really excited about it. Even if I just do a journal or something to start with, it will be a blessing because I love to express my thoughts and feelings through words on paper and writing.

PE-8: Really Missed my Family Today

I know, I am usually positive and uplifting and I want to retain that for the most part on my blog. I just felt I should relate that today was pretty difficult for me. I don't know if it was because I didn't get the chance to spend some one-on-one with God today but I know I was attacked hard. It was enough for me to cry out "What's the point God? What's the point?" My heart hurt this morning and I just had a longing for my wife and family that I didn't channel through God properly and it tore me to the core. To feel so helpless and worthless at the same time is not a fun place to be. I started focusing it on God after I let it all get to me this morning but it is hard to dig out of that spot once you let yourself drift there.

I don't know how often I have asked for prayer, but please, keep me and my family in your prayers. God gave me a great afternoon for the most part but I still didn't feel right all day. I do feel blessed and that God is looking after my needs and the needs of my family but occasionally, my flesh and my worries, doubts, fears get the best of me. I even broke down and had a couple cigarettes today. Not that it makes me a bad person smoking a cigarette, I just think God wants us to take care of our bodies and smoking is not one of those things promoting a healthy lifestyle.

Prayer:

Dear Jesus, I have struggled so much today in my mind. Constantly bombarded with doubts, negatives, fears of what is to come or might come; I let it overwhelm me today and I am so sorry. I know it makes me nearly completely ineffective to You because I completely lose focus. I compare it to Peter walking out on the water and taking his eyes of You and starts to sink. Oh how true that is in our lives. Please Jesus, forgive me for my failures and faults and lift me up off the bottom of the floor. Help me be a good example, help me to stay focused on you and not all the things going on around me to distract me from my purpose, path, goal you have set out for me. I love you my Father; thank you for loving me, forgiving me and giving me hope and a future regardless of how bleak it may look. I know you will use this situation to Your glory. Bless my wife tonight Lord. Hold her in your arms and just love her. Give her peace, comfort and joy in You Jesus. She is my world; which makes this so very difficult for me to cope at times. But I hold fast to You Lord and that You have a good and perfect plan despite what I can or can't see. May I never lose hope; Let my wife and kids know that I love them tonight Jesus, let them know in my heart/mind, I am holding them tight and cherishing it forever. In Jesus precious name I pray this tonight ~ Amen.

PE-7: Honestly, Are You for Real?

If you know me or have been following my blog, you know that I am struggling with multiple issues and things in my life. One thing that is on my heart this morning is that I let you know more about me. This will tie into something that I want to bring up and challenge you about your life and walk in Christ.

I am human, as are all of you, and I make mistakes and have doubts, hurts and fears just as much as the next person. Every other day, if not daily, I find myself on my knees sobbing for my wife and family. But is this due to doubt in God or God's provision and hand in my life or my families? I don't think so. I believe it all depends on how it is handled and approached. When I start thinking about them I start praying for them. When I start becoming emotional, I pray harder. God knows my heart and how very much I love them, I am being honest with God about my emotions and my attachments in this life. I know He sees it all and knows my heart. Not a day goes by that I do not think about what led me to where I am today, but I know who to lean on and that He has a plan and purpose to see me/us through it.

You see, I am simply a humble servant. I am no different then anyone else on any level, I just channel it through the one that set me free, Jesus. I have the same worries, doubts, fears and heartaches as anyone else. I feel pain as anyone else. I have experienced so much heartache that I could just implode right now, but I have a savior that has a purpose for my life. He died to set me free from these doubts, these worries, these fears. He has called me to a higher purpose and one with meaning and hope. What makes me different than any other person? Why would you look at me and say to yourself "Wow, I wish I could do that?" I have reason, if not more than you, to blame God or others for where I am today, but I know the truth.

I have the privilege as do you, to make a choice when presented with one. I can filter it through God or I can act on it and have a 50/50 chance (maybe even less) of making the right one. My choices led me to where I am today. Be them good or bad. I can choose from this day forward to lean on God for the answers and the support or I can try and do it on my own. You are and will be the person you CHOOSE to be. Are you struggling with an addiction today? You have the choice, no matter how impossible it seems to overcome, no matter how strong the pull; YOU have the CHOICE. Are you being real about who you are? Are you living a lie?

Let me tell you that there is hope my friends, there is hope. There is a God, there is a savior, there is someone that will set you free from your hurts, pains, bondage if you only ask and act on it. Are you willing to give it all to Jesus? Are you willing to turn everything over to Him? He will bless you and help you make the right choices if you only ask Him. I pray you make good choices and that God blesses you today and everyday for the rest of your life. Enjoy this video of Third Day singing Born Again. Lean on God to handle the pain and trials of this life and He will see you through to the other side.

You are loved

This song is so good. It is written as a love song from Jesus to us but it always makes me think of my wife. I don't think I can ever express how much she means to me. Everything reminds me of her still. As I clean out the fridge or do things around the house and no one notices, I think about how my wife must have felt doing so many good things for me and our family that I would sometimes notice but fail to verbally recognize. I think of how wonderful a person she is and was. When I think of her, I pray for her. I don't fall to pieces as I first did, but I love her more now than ever before. I hope one day, she can and will come back to me. God blessed me so much with and by her. I want to dedicate this song to her in love (I love you with all my heart); and anyone else that is hurting or needs to be loved.

Jesus is right there with you, just look to Him. He will fix every hurt and love you unconditionally. **You can never be separated from his love. He is waiting with open arms to welcome you back; you are loved.

**Romans 8:35-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

PE-6: Reveal Yourself to Me

I was pondering on multiple subjects to write on today, but I think we should just pause and worship God this morning. He is so good and deserves our praise today. Lift Him up, seek Him, draw close to Him - He wants to bless you right now. He wants to pour His Spirit out upon you today. He wants to give you the desires of your heart today. Oh...just lose yourself in his presence today. He is moving in a strong and mighty way people, seek Him now and be filled. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you...Do it now, He is just waiting on you to step out this morning; go ahead, take that first step......Do it now.

Oh heavenly Father, my spirit yearns for you today. This passion, this fire God, use it to bless You. I can't even begin to express how I feel in my heart, I can't even begin to show my love for You. Oh my God, Your love is so amazing, Your power so overwhelming, Your grace so magnificent. I want to lose myself in You my God! I want to praise you forever! I am on my knees before You my savior, my redeemer. I sense you so strongly this morning; Oh Jesus, my life is yours. Everything I am or ever will be, I give to you; my past, my future, my present I give to you; my hopes, my dreams, my life I give to you. You are the only thing in my life that has meaning and purpose. Your promises endure forever. You are king of kings and Lord of lords. You are alpha and omega the beginning and end. I praise you Yeshua, Jesus my King. Pour Your anointing on me today, may I be Your vessel to glorify Your name today. Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...I love You. Pour Your Spirit out on Your people today God. Reveal Yourself to us Father. I seek a revival of the heart, mind, body and spirit today Lord. Oh have Your way my God, have Your way. I am Your servant my Lord, my heart is Yours.

Peace, love, happiness is yours for the taking right now. He is calling us church; He is calling us Christians; He is calling us all right now. He wants to reveal His power to You today. The power of the one, true, living God. Give yourself to Him today, believe upon Him today, worship Him today....be transformed.

True Love

As you may know, I am reading the Purpose Driven Life and yesterday's topic was on love. I found the timing to be perfect because that is something I had already be focusing on with some friends of mine. I really liked how Pastor Warren described love and how it is shown. I wanted to share with you some of these truths and hopefully, these words can bless you today.

Galatians 5:14 - The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Did you know that life is all about love? I want to quote a paragraph from Rick Warren's book for a moment. The reason is that I know more than one person that does not understand and is going through this in their life. A misunderstanding of love.

The Purpose Driven Life (pg 127) The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. Men, in particular, often don't understand this. Many have said to me, "I don't understand my wife and kids. I provide everything they need. What more could they want?" They want you! Your eyes, your ears, your time, your attention, your presence, your focus -- your time. Nothing can take the place of that.
The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Attention says, "I value you enough to give you my most precious asset -- my time." Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love.....You can give without loving, but you can not love without giving.

There are so many good, deep points mentioned just in those two paragraphs. The entire chapter was full of good nuggets of information like that. I could go over much more but don't have the time and can't do it as well as Rick Warren did in chapter 16 of The Purpose Driven Life; I recommend this book by the way. A summary would be that Love is the most important gift we can give. Love is forever and without it, life is worthless. 1 Cor 13:3 "No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." The gift of love is a gift of our time and devotion. Time is something we never get back. Every minute that goes by brings you one minute closer to your last breath. We need to make the best of every moment.

Relationships are what life is all about and we need to be sure we make the best of them. It is not going to be your Xbox or other things you held dear in your life that you ask for on your deathbed, you will ask for those you love. Love is the greatest gift and the greatest commandment given to us by God. You need to read God's Word and seek a true and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ if you are to fully understand and comprehend love. It is not till you see as He sees that you can fully grasp the depth and scale of what is required. Oh to see and love as Jesus did. Imagine if everyone in the church loved unconditionally as Jesus did?!

Dear heavenly father, I come to you this morning with love on the mind. I know you sent your son to pay the ultimate sacrifice and lay down his life out of love for each of us. Help me to see through your eyes father. Help me to see the world and it's occupants in love. Teach me to love as you loved. Help me to grasp and understand the meaning of love and the truth of it all. God that I could be lost in your love to such an extent that it overflows into the lives of those around me. Take my selfishness and my ways God and transform my heart. I want a pure heart, full of love and compassion. Bless me today father, make me a vessel, use me I pray. Allow me to love unconditionally today and every day. May I be a light in the darkness reflecting truth and love. In Jesus name, Amen.

Did you know?

That question is so open ended that you could take it anywhere. But I have a specific purpose for asking it this morning. I had a long discussion last night with a friend of mine and we discussed some of the current failures of the church as evident in the lives of people that call themselves Christians. Oh God, bless me and speak through me today, this is so important.


An online dictionary I used shows Christian defined as the following:

1. Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
2. Relating to or derived from Jesus or His teachings.
3. Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christlike.
4. Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents.
5. Showing a loving concern for others; humane.

Did you know that being a Christian is to be Christlike? How many of us know Christians that fail to do this? Yes, we are imperfect beings, we are human. But wouldn't our life, actions and words reflect that of Christ if we were indeed walking in Him and with Him? Oh, I want to challenge you today...

God has placed in me a huge burden for the church and those that claim to be Christians. Why are Christians looked at as hypocrites? Why is the church so powerless today? I'll tell you why, people are not seeking God like they should. We live in a society that looks out for it's own interests. "What can God do for me today?" We go to church but a lot of us it is for the wrong reasons! Can I be real with you today? Wake Up!!!!

We are so blessed! God has given us, His children, Power and Authority! He has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to perform miracles! Why are so many sermons scripted? Why are so many Christians in a routine that will never bring them real, true intimacy in Christ? Is your cup half empty or half full? Jesus wants all of us! Not the part we bring him on Sunday, not the part we share with other Christians so we look like such good people with no problems at all.

God works through tribulation, He works in problems. It is when I am weak that I am made strong! So why is the church and its people so fake? Not all churches are like that, but there is enough of them that I believe people are missing the point here. The power of the living, Holy Spirit of God wants to infiltrate and penetrate your very being. He wants to intimately know and be a part of every aspect of your life. If we as Christians could understand this, if we could learn to let go and let God, we would see the church arise a new.

We are trying too hard people, we are trying to do what God wants rather than allowing God to do what He wants. We are the ones limiting God and what He wants to do in our lives and those around us. I truly believe that God wants to reveal Himself to you. He wants to show you He is the man, your father, your daddy and that he has your back, but will you let Him?

Did you know, we can do all things through Christ? Did you know, there is NO LIMIT to God's power, mercy and grace? Did you know, that God wants to use you today if you will let him? Did you know, that God loves you more than anything and wants to prove himself to you, if you only ask and believe? Praise God! With faith like a child...Do you know what that means? A child believes what they are told, they don't question it. Mommy, daddy said it is true, I believe them. What faith, what power can be yours if you only believe it. Lift your hands to heaven this morning and commit your life to God. Not just Sundays, not just Wednesdays, not just when it feels good or feels right, but all of it.

I want to challenge you today to spend 15 to 30 minutes every morning in prayer with God. He says His sheep hear his voice (yes, He does speak to us). How can you operate in the miraculous power of the living God and Holy Spirit if you do not hear His voice? Seek and you shall find. Ask Him to give you the desire to seek Him. To give you a pure heart and one that yearns for Him. He planted in us the desire for the unknown, we just look in all the wrong places. Seek Him as for hidden treasure, you will find Him. Once you understand, once you taste what God has in store for you; you will never look back. God is good people, He loves you today, He wants you to look to him instead of the world for your answers. Do it today, please, do it today. It is time we as Christians stand up and lay claim to our God given inheritance.

PE-5: Update (Where have I been?)

This personal entry is just to catch everyone up on the past 10+ days I have not posted. I'll start with the weekend prior to this last (5/16, 5/17).

I had my step-brother and his wife over that weekend. We had a really good time and I think God was really working in their hearts. They are going through some rough patches and God was using me to work in their relationship. Considering I have some fresh insight, I was able to work with both of them together and individually.

On Sat, we went to Table Rock Dam and on some of my old stomping grounds (my wife and I used to go here back in the day). We also went to C of O. That place has really changed but at the same time it has remained the same. My heart was being moved heavily by all the memories that flooded me and my emotions. From the spot I was playing football as my would-be-wife looked on; to the chapel steps where she flirted with me. I walked out to the point, nothing but memories. I walked behind the library towards the old art building and to the point I sat on when I prayed for my wife (before I knew her). I stood there for a while. I cried, I prayed, I reminisced. To say I love her would be a tremendous understatement.

My step brother, his wife and I watched Fireproof and spent a lot of time together that weekend and after they left on Sunday evening, I felt kind of lonely. Monday,I had to be in town and I saw an Angel for the second time since March 19th. Oh yeah, you know what and who I am talking about. It was so hard to not acknowledge her. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. She means so much to me yet she can show me no emotion at all and I have to take it. Oh, it hurts God, it hurts. I spent the rest of the week faltering.

Though that weekend was a blessing, I missed my personal time with God. Then Monday, I did not get it either. By Monday night, Tuesday, I was in pieces. I spent this past week digging myself out this emotional pit I dug myself into. I did not want to write to this blog without my heart being right. I made a couple of posts to my wife and children, but I could not do more than that. My vision was being skewed by my emotions and I can not properly minister or share with others with that being the case. I did what I felt was the smartest and wisest thing and that was to get myself and my emotions straightened out. I still do not feel 100% but I am doing much better than I was.

With that being said, I would like to say you can expect more entries again and hopefully I can be an encouragement and blessing to you in some way, shape or form. I do want to be up front and honest that I want my wife and children to one day read this blog and it to bless them as well. I will add my personal beliefs and I will be including them a lot. Hopefully, this can add a personal touch though that can help you relate to what I am discussing and my feelings.

I AM PASSIONATE about God. When I write to you, when I write to this blog, it is from my heart. It is not just scripted works, it is not to get followers, it is not to get respect, it is not for anything other than the written praise and worship from my heart to God. This may include my family as well, but you can accept that or you can go to another blog. What you will see here is real and from the heart. If you seek reality, if you seek passion, if you seek truth, you have found a good blog for that. You will get nothing but. God bless you today. I will try and post something else soon. To my wife, friends, family - I love you guys with all my heart. I dedicate this blog to you and to God. May He be glorified and you be blessed. I praise You Jesus! Thank you for this opportunity, this privilege to share my heart, voice and spirit! I love you ~ Amen