This personal entry is just to catch everyone up on the past 10+ days I have not posted. I'll start with the weekend prior to this last (5/16, 5/17).
I had my step-brother and his wife over that weekend. We had a really good time and I think God was really working in their hearts. They are going through some rough patches and God was using me to work in their relationship. Considering I have some fresh insight, I was able to work with both of them together and individually.
On Sat, we went to Table Rock Dam and on some of my old stomping grounds (my wife and I used to go here back in the day). We also went to C of O. That place has really changed but at the same time it has remained the same. My heart was being moved heavily by all the memories that flooded me and my emotions. From the spot I was playing football as my would-be-wife looked on; to the chapel steps where she flirted with me. I walked out to the point, nothing but memories. I walked behind the library towards the old art building and to the point I sat on when I prayed for my wife (before I knew her). I stood there for a while. I cried, I prayed, I reminisced. To say I love her would be a tremendous understatement.
My step brother, his wife and I watched Fireproof and spent a lot of time together that weekend and after they left on Sunday evening, I felt kind of lonely. Monday,I had to be in town and I saw an Angel for the second time since March 19th. Oh yeah, you know what and who I am talking about. It was so hard to not acknowledge her. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. She means so much to me yet she can show me no emotion at all and I have to take it. Oh, it hurts God, it hurts. I spent the rest of the week faltering.
Though that weekend was a blessing, I missed my personal time with God. Then Monday, I did not get it either. By Monday night, Tuesday, I was in pieces. I spent this past week digging myself out this emotional pit I dug myself into. I did not want to write to this blog without my heart being right. I made a couple of posts to my wife and children, but I could not do more than that. My vision was being skewed by my emotions and I can not properly minister or share with others with that being the case. I did what I felt was the smartest and wisest thing and that was to get myself and my emotions straightened out. I still do not feel 100% but I am doing much better than I was.
With that being said, I would like to say you can expect more entries again and hopefully I can be an encouragement and blessing to you in some way, shape or form. I do want to be up front and honest that I want my wife and children to one day read this blog and it to bless them as well. I will add my personal beliefs and I will be including them a lot. Hopefully, this can add a personal touch though that can help you relate to what I am discussing and my feelings.
I AM PASSIONATE about God. When I write to you, when I write to this blog, it is from my heart. It is not just scripted works, it is not to get followers, it is not to get respect, it is not for anything other than the written praise and worship from my heart to God. This may include my family as well, but you can accept that or you can go to another blog. What you will see here is real and from the heart. If you seek reality, if you seek passion, if you seek truth, you have found a good blog for that. You will get nothing but. God bless you today. I will try and post something else soon. To my wife, friends, family - I love you guys with all my heart. I dedicate this blog to you and to God. May He be glorified and you be blessed. I praise You Jesus! Thank you for this opportunity, this privilege to share my heart, voice and spirit! I love you ~ Amen
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