PE-1: Emotional Baggage

Today and most of yesterday I have been losing focus. A friend and brother in Christ called it to my attention. I have lost myself in my emotions and my actions both verbal and non-verbal reflect it. I know God gave us emotions for a reason and they are good and important, but to give into them and lose sight of what really matters is another thing. I have a mixture of anger, sadness, shame, guilt and a wide gamut of other emotions I am struggling with all at once. My situation and the reality I face tears my heart out and today I have given in to those emotions and I have literally been depressed all day. I managed to at least eat some dinner tonight.

Everyone needs true friends in their life that can be honest with them and help them regain focus on what is important. Although I feel my friend is harsh at times, I know his intentions and heart are good. Because of that, I can look unselfishly at his position and gain from it.

That being said, I am going to go back to my room in a few and spend some quality time with my Lord and Savior. It is so easy to lose hope or focus. It doesn't take much at all. Although I had spent at least an hour this morning in prayer and reading the Word, I was flailing by this evening. For that I am ashamed. My friend does not deserve that and nor does anyone else. It is hard to talk with someone that is looking inward and focused on negative and hurt rather than love and promise. I know God has given me hope and the promise of never leaving me or forsaking me, yet tonight, I lapsed. I am human and will make mistakes. The important part is I need to pick myself up and dust myself off and focus on what God has intended of me.

A Prayer:
Dear heavenly Father, thank You so much for all the blessings You have given me. Thank You for the gift of friendship and those that You have blessed me with for strength and encouragement. Forgive me for taking my eyes off of You this evening Lord. Forgive me for looking into the trials I must face and the reality of the situation and losing hope. Forgive me that I pulled my friend and brother into that storm with me. I am truly sorry and ask you give him peace Lord. I don't hold his reaction to me against him and I hope the same in return. Regardless of how everything originated, You know the trials I face and the pain I feel. Please give me peace Lord. I know You are the only one I can truly lean on right now and I know You are the only one that truly understands. Please help me to bridle my tongue and to focus on You rather than my emotions. Through You I will find the peace, joy and contentment necessary to carry on. My emotions and flesh work against me right now Lord and lead me astray. Guard my heart and surround me by Your Angels. I ask that you do the same for my loved ones Lord. Hold them close to You and bless them. Give them peace and joy. Protect them and reveal Yourself to them I pray, in Jesus name; Amen.