PE10 - Happy 10 Year Anniversary Baby

I don't know where to begin with this entry today. How do you write a happy anniversary letter in one hand while you are holding on to the divorce papers in the other hand? The only hope of reconciliation is God. The system is getting its way and I pray God works in the lives of those involved to show them the error of it in one way or another. My heart is broken today when it should be rejoicing.

I dreamed of you, dear wife, all night last night. They were sweet and beautiful dreams, just like you. I know we had our ups and our downs, but our ups far outnumbered the downs and I cherish every moment. I love to close my eyes and picture you here with me, holding my hand, laughing and smiling as we share our dreams, hopes and goals in life. You are my anchor in so many ways, my northern star. You are a precious gift from God in my life, one that I couldn't bare to live without.

It is only for you and because I love you that I can accept what you feel must be done. But I want you to hold on to something for me. No matter what happens between now and eternity, in my heart you are my wife. The system may be able to take everything in my life I hold dear, but they can't touch my heart. That belongs to God and to you. That, my dear, will never ever ever change.

From the time we started dating in October '97, I knew in my heart that you were the one God chose for me. I prayed for you when I was a child; I prayed for you when I became a man; I pray for you constantly still today. It hurts that on this, dark Friday, I must find a way to take my mind off of you, off of the hurt, off of the pain and the reality of the matter. As I sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks, I pray for you. I don't know that you will ever know how special you are to me and how much I love you.

Thank you for the memories baby, thank you for loving me as you did. Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for doing such a wonderful job with our children. Thank you for 12 years of precious memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. You are my first true love. You are so special to me. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. No matter what you do, what you did or what you could do; I will/would love you and be there for you.

I am going to go to J's house today and try to keep my mind off of the time that should be being spent with you. I have to try and occupy time or my mind will wreak havoc on me. You know how important you are to me right? You know that I will always be here for you right? You know that all you have to do is ask and I will be at your side right? Like a well trained puppy that has matured and attached itself to its owner, I am there for you. Please, don't let go of what we have. Don't let go of what we had. I love you so much. I will never forget or let go of you; my heart is yours for the rest of my life. I love you.

Dear Father, I lean on you today to face another of many dark days I have faced and must yet face. I put my heart and trust in your hands my Lord. You word states you will never leave us or forsake us. Thank you for that. The love chapter I Corinthians 13 comes to my mind, love always perseveres and love never fails. This is the love I have for my wife. I am learning to love all but my wife is so precious to me Father. Please, heal and renew our relationship. I know You have a will and purpose in everything but I know You hate divorce. I sit back as my world crumbles around me and I must look to You in order to hold on; in order to keep my sanity. Please God, please renew this. I am giving it to You. May this pain and suffering not be in vain dear God, may it not be in vain. Work in all lives of those involved and radically touch each and every person. I want to see your spirit move God. May I keep my eyes on You Father, may I never doubt that you have it all under control. I love you and give you all the praise. In Jesus name ~ Amen.